#But u guys.... I love talking abt myself-
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Reading my evaluation papers from when i was 3 and 9 years old and like. Damn I've always just been like this huh
#'when did i start being like this' girl u were always like this 😭😭😭#'(my name) has a tendency to make careless mistakes' *takes a swig of my sparkling apple juice* eeeeeeyep#Also i keep forgetting that i was diagnosed with depressive disorder at 8-9 years old. That shit didn't start in middle school apparently#might delete later#Since this might be tmi#But u guys.... I love talking abt myself-#text#text post
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Might be a hot take as a bkdk and tgck truther here, but I find izuocha endlessly fascinating, beautiful, but also tearfully tragic.
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I see their love for each other as something representative of their innocence and naivety when they only knew so little about who they were, and what was to come.
I think the main barrier of their relationship is that its rooted in how they see each other very idealistically, specifically that they're attached to the image of their Best Heroic Selves, and not the deeply selfish, destructive, freaky, and egotistical parts of them. To each other, they need to keep fulfilling that image or else that same person they looked up to would almost die in front of them, and that would be too cruel. Although that hero is still there, that same person they looked up to is not the same now because of...well...everything.
Izuku had barely even talked to girls when he first met her. She was Izuku's first ever real friend (Sorry Kats, everyone and him knows he was terrible), so he saved her in that entrance exam even if it was so dangerous. She gave a new meaning to his derogatory nickname just by being a friend that believed in him. After that, she saved him several more times (Blackwhip and Megaphone are the biggest samples iirc). It makes perfect sense that she is Deku's hero.
Ochako hardly knew what it meant to be a hero when she first got into UA. Just by reaching out to some kid tripping, she made a new friend who would then save her in that exam, then save him again in return. This boy then became someone who was always working so hard to save everyone in trouble, and she realized she wanted to be just like him too. "I want to save people"
But...Deku changes. The weight of One for All is on his shoulders and he needs someone to carry this burden with him. He continues to want to save other people at the expense of himself, still not letting his true selfishness and ego ever show- and it only grows more and more unbearable.
Then...Ochako fell in love with Himiko. Truly, relentlessly, selfishly and devotedly in love with a girl who then dies giving her blood to her- the greatest expression of love Himiko could ever give.
Not that they can't love each other because of this happening (and...so many other things oh god), I'm honestly not sure how to explain it- But them ending up together after losing that innocence and naivety? After Ochako will forever grieve the girl who showed her love in its most beautiful and ugly form? After Izuku changed so fundamentally as a person that the butterflies of a nice girl talking to you doesn't exist anymore? After that simple image of being a hero and being in love has completely changed for them both?
Even so, I believe they still love each other. There is no label I know of that can properly describe them though. They are each other's image of being a hero when it comes to saving people. Aside from Shoto, no one else can grasp the grief of the person you tried to save dying in your hands. They would no doubt try to cope with these losses together, and just try to get better together...but so much has changed. They've changed. The world changed. What are they now? Who are they now?
"What happened...to us?"
#I just think the tragedy of falling out of love for the person who represents who they Used to be is so...so painful#Kacchan isn't even here yet and it's already so complicated.#also. Izch healing together after all this would also be really nice#if u like them ending up together thats also perfectly fine too. im just a bkdk and tgck truther myself. thats kinda my whole thing#but izch forming a deep bond from their experiences and saving eachother#and maybe later on trying to date too...oh boy#and them being able to just...be more casual again. talk abt their lives and dreams together too just so they know they have each other#oh itd be so healing and beautiful#im so glad izuku talked to ochako on that cliff man oh man...#izuocha the underrated tragic love that they could've been if ppl werent so close minded abt them#only the real izch fans understand just how much these two actually mean to each other. god bless yall I swear even if I dont ship ship it#thank u to that person who wrote abt them being characters than run in parallel#that narrative structure for them is permanently in my brain. I love these two so much its no joke#my Extra hot take is that izch wouldve been treated better by the fandom if it was gay.#but we'd still agree on bkdk as the endgame after all that happened. maybe. idk this is a hypothetical.#if you switch ock and kats genders...this wouldve been a very different story and fandom. insane food for thought with this one.#ok thats my yap for the night oh god i have so many feelings about them...#evelynpr bnha#bnha#mha#my hero academia#izuocha#actually confidently putting this tag now. sorry for the angst you guys...and maybe being seen as a traitor#im a strong girl I could take on potential haters hahaha...#izuku midoriya#ochako uraraka
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after two years i finally draw the favorite
#my art#still learning honestly. idk how to explain it but some medias youre so fixated on and obsessed with u instantly want to draw everyone#for me dunmeshi has always been the opposite. series and characters i enjoy sm i cannot bring myself to pick up a pencil#for some reason. it got a lot worse once the anime started airing idk. simply forcing myself to get some of my energy out. in a way#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#thistle#dunmeshi thistle#thistle dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#>_< series i was into since late 2021. yet u wouldnt know that unless u follow my side twitter account. sowwy ig#i do this with a lot of franchises honestly. cannot bring myself to draw even if i think abt the characters constantly. ie skip to loafer#u will nvr catch me calling this guy sissel sorry. save that name for Mr. Ghost Trick. another thing i. also. dnt talk abt. which i adore#i need to get better at talking abt and expressing myself for the things that i enjoy. ive been wanting to draw laios for a good#while too but im scared. for some reason. u-u should nvr let a white man do that to me honestly.#for now i'll thistle tho. maybe we will get kabru namari or mithrun next from me >_< i have to talk myself into it#i think the closest way i can explain why i cannot bring myself to draw for some series is that i dnt want to mess up somehow#like 'ilu so much [character] what if i cnt draw u the way u deserve even tho i love u sm what if its not enough.' <- leaves it to sm1 else#tbh [scratches head] i prefer the version with less coloring ^-^ but i realize the one thats more colored would get more eyes on it... hm
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i feel so at peace but at the same time so chaotic and drained
#it’s literally been wavessss of emotions lately#life feels weird w no friends or a partner but it is peaceful#i’ve been spiraling lately bc i’ve been feeling lonely#but i have to keep reminding myself that i’ll attract the right people eventually#right now i’m focusing on finding myself again and being content w where i am bc ive been so so so hard on myself lately#it’s better to have solitude rather than faking my personality around the wrong people#i deserve to be loved for who i am and i’ll wait to love the future people that come into my life#things will be okay and i know now that it isn’t time for a relationship#my first wlw crush and i are still flirting and talking everyday but i knowwww i cant get involved bc i still have sm to worry about#i do love her so much but we both have shit we need to figure out and we’d probably destroy each other if we decided to fully fall in#i’m ranting rn guys but this is the first halloweekend i didn’t go out and i was kinda sad abt it but im also SO glad bc i usually act so#stupid and dumb when i drink impulsively#it’s for the best#i don’t drink as much as i used to and that in itself should be something i am proud of#hehe anyways ily all and if you read this entire thing i love u even more#personal
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its so dangerous when you do something for fun and suddenly realise oh shit i love this. like fuck...what am i gonna do now...
#this is abt ACTING guys i cant do this shit...im literally no good except i guess i have to be at the least ok cause i got so close to#getting the part. but even if ur insanely good its like. an insanely ridiculously hard career to pursue where u cant depend on any income#and youll be poor forever which was ALREADY kind of my future considering i wanted to (and still want to) write but like there r scales.#acting is innately unreliable. and my whole life ive been like ok. u cant pursue that as a career. and im not gonna im not saying that. but#that moment when u suddenly realise u actually kind of love something that is not convienent at all. like why cant i have a vague fondness.#find it fun. just like attention. but instead nopeee i have to want to dissolve myself in other peoples characters and become them every#second of the day like girl ok. get a grip.#anyway.#personal#oliver talks
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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watching the missing link stuff.. i want to play this game sso fuckign bad
#KINGDOM HEARTS I MISSED U.........#i Need to throw my keykids into this thing. oh my god#khml spoilers next tags#ALSO I CANT BELJEVE PPL WERENT JOKING ABT THIS JUST. BEING PLAYER AGAIN?? PROBABLY????#I WASNT EXPECTING THAT TO BE REAL..#but also it lines up perfectly w what i had planned for my keykids <3#the rusted starlight too..... ough.....#and the fact that they cant remember their name?? i need to. make new names for my sillyguys. what would they name themselves#i think if i can play the game myself id play as dia again..#also. i rly hope they add more options to the character creator bc the current lack of skintone options is. hm.#the options for everything else look nice so far at least..#ALSO PLAYER TALKING?????#AND THE MUSIC.. its so pretty..#THE BAROQUE SOCIETYXBXJSJ#im in love w this so far#WHY ARE WE BEING ACCUSED OF ASSAULT ??#oh its that blue guy ive been seeing#that closeup on his eye made him loop exactly like aqua JXBSJ i see what ppl mean when they say he moght be an ancestor of hers#camera backing out to see 2 silver haired fuckers on a roof. yeah this is kingdom hearts#these guys are so silly#this version of dearly beloved is so good whadda hell..#and this scala music?? the whimsy ..#astral dimension and distortions..#welp. hello again gacha game#this world is so gorgeous....#i need. this game#kh
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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simon peter is the funniest apostle to work with because in theory he's the most loyal, most by-the-book of the apostles so you'd expect him to be the most logical and collected one but 80% of his concerns (pre crucifixion then everything went downhill and they all died) are that he has a crush on every person he encounters
#🧅#im not religious just insane.jpg#true poly disaster. funniest shit ever.#cause yknow simon p's a fisherman he's married he's a very poster family man#and he loves his wife he really does. im not gonna make the only guy who's married fucking Hate his wife and want to like. go have gay sex#instead cause mlm good mlw bad. but he does have his. Issues. concerning how he views women#he's gonna work on that though i'm not leaving him like that don't worry. peter already knew the torah by heart probably for peter turning#to god meant learning how to respect women. and yknow people he considered 'ungodly' in general. to respect humanity as he respects god.#tee hee i love this arc. i love all of them but i dont ever rlly talk abt this one.#but anyways yes he does love his wife.#then some strange guy shows up while he's fishing and he's like follow me son of jonah i will make you a Fisher Of Men. and peter's like#TEE HEE OKAY JESUS i will come fish men with you.#which......okay....simon....... interesting that u wanted to do that..... with zero context....#and then cue weird thing with magdalene. which. they don't end up together by Any Means.#they hate each other. they have not spoken in a civil manner once. but they do have a weird bond between them than only aromantic people#can understand.#WHICH BTW i already knew there's a thin line between polyamory and aromanticism. but it really showed when while trying to#explore how peter experiences polyromanticism i found myself projecting a lot of my own aromanticism on him#(is polyromantic a correct term? i'm not sure these terms really confuse me especially considering the time period cause like. polyamorous#describes a relationship with multiple people which peter obviously wasn't in in 30 AD. but he Did have romantic feelings for multiple#people so is that polyromanticism? or is that a completely different term? idk. bare with me.)#very interesting. anyways yeah there's that. magdalene is aro also to me. so yeah this is one of the most fun dymanics i have in this lore#cause like. polyromantic person and aromantic person somehow having the same mutual not platonic not romantic but a secret third thing#connection with each other. i love thinking about them
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Hi!! Quick sorry for inserting myself into every single conversation ever!! Okay bye bye!!
#Not tagging this one#uhhh pls don’t reblog this#I just mostly wanted to rant in tags rq#It’s gonna be a loooooottttttuh#Ok so I DONT really like kys jokes but like. A lot of my irls make them so so much and I was too shy to tell them to stop and so I guess I#Just started makin them too so I’m so so sorry for that they’re funny sometimes but please I promise I take stuff seriously sometimes even#If I am just a silly lil guy#Also also I know not that much words stuff and like terms ig?? Especially when referring to sys stuff cuz I don’t like to research things#Cuz if I do then that means it’s real and I don’t want there to be bad things!! I want things to be happy and for me to just hang out with#My brothers and be silly!! whaT I WAS SAYING was that correct me pls#Also I think the constantly forcing myself into conversations comes from like?? Idk a fear of being forgotten or ignored?? Idk I just reall#Want to talk and ramble about things 24/7 12/365#So uhhh sorry abt that haha#Anyway that’s all#TLDR I want to be enough for people and be what they want of me but I’m bad at showing it 👍#Anyway I love u guys bye bye
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this is gonna sound so silly but over the last year I've been doing a reread of all the books on my shelves. I hit my "childhood favorites" section around December and am chugging through, and will be rereading the Septimus Heap series again once I finish the Magnus Chase series. I had the first book memorized as a kid (I could still probably pull up the first chapter in my memory if I wanted to) but I only read books 5-7 like twice before putting the series down for a few years. I'm so glad I follow you bc I know once I read those SH books again in a couple weeks I'm gonna be insufferable since they were definitely my favorite as a kid and I'm so so so so excited to read them again and to have an active fandom to see again when I do 💕💕💕 (I see your polls and recognize like 3/4 the characters but wanna read books 5-7 to get a refresh before I start voting on them lol)
Anyway this was long and rambly but I guess at the bottom: I love SH, I'm excited to read it again, I'm excited to know someone else loves it like I did and it feels like I'm gonna have someone to talk about it with for the first time in my life (never had a friend who'd read it and could geek out about it) so thank you and I'm excited to hop back in the fandom 💕 thank you for reading!!
:D
#sep talks#asks#I can't see ur whole username from the Answer Ask page so I can't tag it rip#ANYWAY SORRY IDK WHAT TO SAY. I'M HONOURED????????????#SH IS JUST AS GOOD AS U REMEMBER BTW. MAYBE BETTER#PLEASE be insufferable abt the books btw. I love it when ppl r insufferable abt them. (<-guy who is insufferable abt them)#absolutely feel free to vote in polls even if u don't rlly know who the characters r. I know there r ppl voting who don't even know sh. So#I'm genuinely so 🥺 abt this btw. I still don't think of myself as like. A Big Sep Heap Blog#but I guess realistically I definitely am!!!! Half the tag is Just Me sbdhdbdhnd#and. Idk. Idk. Explodes#idk what I'm saying!!!!!! Anyway have fun w ur reread <3
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anxiety started to spike high (from pre concert excitement and nerves) but for once!
i was able to snack a v little bit (u know my anxious ass is worried abt bathroom access/locations as usual lmao so I'm trying not to consume much until the show is over), got my Lamotrigine taken (bc god forbid i miss a day, then i have to start back at square one and take my dose down to the lowest again which doesn't feel 100% true? but im not arguing with the doc lol)
And let myself have an edible and like. i can feel the anxiety and nerves just under the surface, like milk on the oven boiling and it gets that thin skin over top? it's like the anxiety is little spikes trying but failing to poke completely thru the skin so far (why are there spikes in the milk in this metaphor? don't worry abt it bc i don't know either, this is just where it ended up; we took this journey together)
and like yeah that's not perfect but. it's such a lovely difference, even if I'm still more tense and prone to an anxiety attack rn than I'd like to be. But even this is so much better than it was off the Lamotrigine, and it's nice to see it might be working again (tho i also attribute Housemate's help and going with me to the concert tonight with helping me on this, it's like. if my brain sees i have someone new to the event who might need my help navigating, it lowers the Anxious Mode and heightens the Caretaker/Dad Friend Mode enough for me to be braver than usual. I want aer to have as good a time as possible, and we're keeping it v low key with like. not being up in the main pit, staying to the back and planning to hang out some in the venue halls while the openers play, so the GA/pit doesn't overwhelm either of us, tho it seems the metal scene out here is p chill from what we can tell? But yeah. I can't always be brave for myself, but i can do it for a friend. and also partially for the fact that I'll be in the same room as Avatar for at least 2-3 hours aksnfkfngn)
#text post#long post#tagging that to be safe bc i think the remaining anxiety is showing up in me being overly wordy#even compared to usual lmao#if the guys do a by the bus mini meet and greet like they sometimes do I'm trying to make myself be brave enough to walk over#just to say hi thank them for the show and for coming out here and for the music in general#maybe attempt small talk bc i actually would love to know how they like this area of the country#i just find it interesting bc musicians go a fuck ton of places so they have a different perspective on it#idk if I'll manage that tho bc i also don't want to bother them at all#anyway if ur in the state and going to the concert tonight and wanna chat/talk abt it at all pls msg me#it would be lovely to know if there's anyone from Tumblr we might run into. a familiar name to put a face too u know?#...i need to stop typing the anxiety is showing thru far too much here thank u guys for ur patience with me lmao
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hiii :333 i think i am alive !! ( small update in da tags )
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#WOOOAGHHHHH HAVENT BEEN HERE IN AGES. WOW>#sorry guys im a straight a student in their senior year of hs... i have been enjoying real life ^_^ i miss it here tho. :(#will be active soon bcs school is gna end. fucking sobbing but we don't talk abt that#i am here instead of working on the uh. 2 group presentations i need to work on. and the 1 Solo presentation.............#which is crazy btw bcs it's a whole research event thing bcs im in stem ^_^ closing remarks heehaw. Just Me.#so i'm proud of myself & for better understanding myself lately but there is still sm i want to do!!! like On here <3#in a much better headspace and life and etc. its good yay.#anyway hashtag wanna be an astrophysicist (a+ physics? ez. but also ive always loved math & astronomy) astronomer musician#author video game dev (future compsci student! or physics. still deciding.) uhhh psychologist philosopher blablabla phd one day#yay ^__________^ I MISS WRITING ON HERE THO and interacting w moots :P altho idrk how to get back into that shit#anywhere really but it's ok we find ways. man. i miss it here. before i get active again tho i should rlly makes lists to do and Fix stuff.#bye for now yay just a lil update from me !!! ^_^ it's been at least... 4 months? bcs i rmbr not properly saying happy new year on here HEL#raaaaaaaaaaaaa apollo is so back babaey the world is so beautiful & so am I. anyway. u all take care mwamwamwa
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sometimes i get tempted into downloading tumblr on my phone again bc nothing rlly beats scrolling thro the dash after a long day at work but then i remember how shitty the app was
#also being online all the time is just not good for me#but i do also love posting my thoughts and diff things happening in my life as they happen. cant rlly do that anymore#so many cafe stories that u guys are missing out on bc i dont have access to my laptop for a while and then i forget abt it lol#but i do have to remind myself this is for the better..#vinnie talks
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